**Editor’s Note: Each week during football season, we feature an essay from the opponent’s student newspaper on why Oregon will lose. This week’s edition is from Matthew Fabian, a football reporter at the the Branding Iron.**
Quack, quack mofos. I hope the Ducks are ready for the Wyoming Cowboys to roll into Eugene on Saturday. Could I get an order of the upset special, PLEASE? Sure, the spread is 43.5 points in the Ducks favor, but throw it out the window! Autzen Stadium will be left stunned after the Cowboys pull out a 28-20 win. Duck fans will return home and smoke their skunk-weed to get over that “toothache” and the pain left by the running back duo Shaun Wick and D.J. May, otherwise known as the “Cowboy Ambush.” Why am I so confident? Here’s why!
1.) Every Oregon football player was suspended for one game after AD Rob Mullens discovered a strange underground ferret fighting club going on in the training facility. The Ducks are now forced to turn to the reigning intramural flag football champions “Boatz-n-Hoes” to play this Saturday. Only kidding, but that would be awesome.
2.) Wyoming has the superior coaching staff. Time to be serious, but it’s true Oregon. Wyoming head coach Craig Bohl is not only coming from three straight FCS National Titles, but he has also completely rebuilt the Cowboy football program. The team seems to have bought in after nine months of working under the coach and the results have shown. Wyoming is 2-0, winning two tight games and remaining mentally tough. Mark Helfrich, prepare to be outcoached!
3.) This is a classic trap-game coming from the best performance of any college football team this season vs. Michigan State, Oregon is going to play uninspired football against the Cowboys. The Ducks will saunter out and expect to win simply by showing up. HA! I remember the last time that happened a little guy named Rocky was fighting the monster Apollo Creed. (Thinking….) CRAP, you’re right Creed did win. But only by decision. Besides I’m sure Rocky won at some point in Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, Rocky V, Rock… what the hell, how many of those did they make?
4.) Wyoming’s defense is better trained and has the better stamina. Practicing and training at 7220 feet can do wonders just ask the Olympic athletes that train in Colorado Springs at a similar elevation. When Oregon attempts to pick up the pace and run down the Cowboys, it won’t work. Wyoming can keep up even for over 100 plays and Marcus Mariota might be surprised at how quickly the defense can get into the backfield. If Wyoming can sustain pressure all day, there might be a real chance the Cowboys escape Oregon at 3-0.
Also, the Cowboys defense, and offense for that matter, will not beat themselves. Wyoming has committed three penalties in the first two games of the season. THREE. Goes to show how Bohl has cemented his ways in the program. If Oregon plans on winning, they will have to make plays. They can’t rely on the Cowboys breaking down mentally or physically.
If you put a gun to my head, I would probably say that Wyoming won’t even cover the 43.5 point spread. If the Cowboys do win the game, expect Laramie to wipe itself off the map with flowing streets of beer and gun shots going off every .35 seconds.