On June 1, 1975 Steven Spielberg unleashed two monsters to audiences. The first was a giant man-eating shark accompanied by the sound of two repeating notes. The second was the summer blockbuster.
Since that steamy summer when Spielberg’s thriller Jaws sold over 128 million tickets, several summer flicks have profited in what all media outlets refer to as the summer blockbuster: big budget, big name ordeals that offer a place for people to escape the heat.
The summer blockbuster brought us Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) and The Dark Knight Rises (2012). Unfortunately, the summer months have also brought us Spiderman 3 (2007), Catwoman (2004) and Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011). This summer there seems to be a lot more blockbusts than blockbusters. In an effort to make the most out of Summer 2014, these are some films we think you should skip:
Transformers: Age of Extinction: Unfortunately, the title of this film does not refer to the franchise itself. The Transformers series hasn’t been good since about 20 minutes into the first film when Shia LeBouf’s Camaro turns into Bumblebee. This installment features an entirely new cast led by Mark Whalberg, who plays a mechanic. If that’s not good enough, also joining the cast are fire-breathing dinosaurs. If you’re looking for robot allegory, you’re probably better off watching Wall-E again. Oh and don’t worry, it’s in 3-D. Opens June 27.
Planes: Fire and Rescue: Yes, Walt Disney Studios is (buzz) light-years away from its golden age of animated films. It’s the less talked-about part of the human condition: every generation has their classics and this will not be one of ours. Walt Disney Studio’s magic comes from giving life to mundane objects, but planes might just be far too large and irrelevant to touch us in the same way A Bug’s Life did. Unless you’re being paid to see it as a babysitting perk, skip this Cars spinoff. And, surprise, it’s in 3-D. Opens July 18.
Hercules: In January, a Hercules film titled The Legend of Hercules was released, scoring an impressively low 3 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Perhaps the summer version will surpass that dismal rating, but with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson starring, this film looks simply like 300 meets Pumping Iron, instead of an artful, interesting or accurate depiction of the Greek mythology. We also shouldn’t expect too much from screenwriter Evan Spiliotopoulos, whose credits include gems such as The Lion King 1 and 1/2 and Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time. Spoiler alert: it’s in 3-D. Opens July 25.
The Expendables 3: According to IMDB, there are only three named women in the entire film. Its patriarchal nature fits well with the rest of the summer blockbuster lineup, which includes only one featured film directed by a woman. At the rate Hollywood is popping these out, we can probably expect an Expendables 27 starring Mark Whalberg, Dwayne Johnson and the other male stars of this summer’s inevitable blockbusters. Opens August 14.