In America, New England in particular, there is a network by which we are all connected. It is not the Internet, but the Internet’s analog cousin. While both support massive amounts of traffic and both are vital to commerce and social interaction, the road system handles transfers in a much more literal sense. And because each person actually physically shares the road space, there are a few considerations every driver should make.

The most common highway complaint I hear concerns the left lane. The passing lane is perpetually monopolized by someone who does not have the courtesy to allow the faster car behind him or her to pass. Two weeks previously, I suggested the implementation of mortal duels into the court system. Unfortunately, Congress has not acted on this suggestion, so apparently there is no way to quickly solve this passing lane conundrum. The only temporary solution is to urge as many drivers as possible not to employ this selfish practice. The reality is that there is no method of effectively eradicating self-entitled drivers from the roads.

And therein lies the core problem. Self-serving drivers are not only responsible for the poor left lane habits we are so familiar with; they also pull out into oncoming traffic at intersections, text while driving and flatten schoolchildren with their inattentiveness. Imagine if every person on the road possessed a handgun in their glove box and were permitted to eliminate transgressors. Each driver would be fearful of being the cause of road rage. Travel would move more smoothly; there would be fewer accidents and fewer waiting periods as union workers removed wreckage from the pavement. Again, I am having trouble convincing legislators to enact such a policy. I wonder what they have against schoolchildren — probably their inability to pay taxes.

Sometimes, you can even identify self-centered vehicle operators by the cars they are driving. Often, Toyota Prius occupants feel that their green purchase provides them with the right to dominate the freeway. As a tangent, I truly believe that the Prius is more destructive to the environment than a diesel Ford F350. Tangents aside, if you see a “baby on board” bumper sticker, I advise you to park your car on the side of the road and run. Because the sticker loosely translates as “I will wield my vehicle as an instrument of terrorism, and it is your responsibility to secure safety for both of us.”

But we continue, as a society, to condone this behavior. We may react by shouting obscenities into our steering wheel and stomping on the floor panel, but we never take action against these technically legal maneuvers. And that is understandable, considering there is no legal action we can take. We can report bad drivers, but no repercussions will precipitate for them. In conclusion, I cannot recommend that responsible drivers take justice into their own hands by running bad drivers off the road. Nor can I advocate any forms of vehicular homicide, including, but not limited to, brake line tampering.

Please, be safe and respectful of the law when it comes to retribution. I can only offer one piece of advice: Do not be that selfish driver. The next time you contemplate not turning your high beams off, remember the inconvenience you will cause to your fellow man, and give him the courtesy of not blinding him.