Hallow’s eve has passed, and while you may have been trick-or-treating or getting hammered (you crazy kid!), the great department stores of America were up to something much more important. Elves were scurrying around (granted, I’ve seen Elf like ten times) exchanging pumpkins for mistletoe and orange lights for bright white ones. Yes, my friends, the Holiday Season is here. And while I’d like to say I see those light-up menorahs in many a Macy’s window display, I simply do not. Decorations are all about Xmas. They’re gonna be so sorry when Thankhanukkah/Hanugiving/Thanksgivukkah comes around (yes, the first night of Hanukkah is on Thanksgiving, and no, this will not happen again for another 77,798 years). But the Holiday Season is a time of hope, joy, and commercialism, so get ready for every major store to be exploding with cinnamon-scented presents perfect for your favorite kooky aunt.
Outgoing: Moisturized skin
You get outta bed, eat sum Cheerios, and brush your pearly whites. So far, so good. You put on an outfit (damn, you look good!), put on your knapsack, and zip up your parka. So far, so good. You gingerly step out of your door and WHAM!! NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD! JACK FROST IS HERE MY SWEETIES. The wind has started biting your tender lil cheeks, and all that moisturizer on your skin is doing squat for ya face. Goodbye soft skin. Hello itchy nose. And a red itchy nose, at that. The coming of winter means the outgoing of nice skin-—and I am truly sorry, my compadres, but winter is here. Stock up on those cocoa butter kisses, or Jergens (realistically), and slather your lips in Vaseline before bed. Cause your lips are about to get ROCKED!!!! In the worst way. Chapped skin, here we come… ugh…