A few weeks ago, I was at a crowded house party. Someone behind me decided it would be funny to spank me. At first I ignored it and hoped it was some sort of accident. But then they did it again. I turned around to confront whoever it was and two guys were standing there laughing. I asked what the hell was wrong with him and he blamed his friend, then his friend denied it, pretending to be offended by my accusation, and they continued to laugh. It was beyond rude and beyond violating.
This happens all the time. Starting around age 11, when I began developing feminine curves, boys I didn’t even know spanked or groped me then ran away. I even got two kids suspended in fifth grade for borderline molestation. In middle school it happened at least once a week.
Growing up with such shallow attention put on my body did not flatter me. I didn’t strut around thinking I was hot; I became paranoid in crowded places with the fear that some stranger was going to grab me and embarrass me again. I started wearing baggier clothes to avoid it. I became extremely self-conscious about my appearance.
When will it stop?
Certainly not in college, a social part of our lives filled with booze and parties. It gets worse in college because students often go to parties with the intention of hooking up. They drink alcohol to release their inhibitions, making the perfect environment for sexual harassment.
But what about the long-term effects of their actions? Depression, anxiety, fear, trust issues and lowered self-esteem are just a few of the long-lasting effects that sexual harassment can have on women.
Many guys ask why women dress provocatively to parties if they don’t want to be harassed or assaulted. Catcalls, spanking, groping or any other kind of unwelcome sexual advances do not flatter us. They embarrass us. They put us down. They lead us to subconsciously believe that we need to show off our bodies to get someone to like us. They create a sense of obsession over appearances. They make us think that what’s inside doesn’t matter. They lead us to believe that in order to be liked, sexual harassment and assault is a risk we have to take. It’s a lose-lose situation. It’s not fair.
What can we do to stop this? Employees usually go through intensive training to raise awareness about sexual harassment, but do schools? Sure, maybe when we were six and teachers showed us where our no-no spots were, but once child molestation is no longer in the picture, what comes next? Corny skits about consensual sex and rape on the first day of college? Raising awareness about sexual assault is important, but what about harassment?
Why are we only focusing on the crimes that endanger our lives? What about the crimes that endanger our minds?
Sexual harassment is to rape as marijuana is to meth. A gateway drug. Similar to sexual harassers, marijuana users will argue that it doesn’t have any substantial consequences for them, but the studies have been done. It desensitizes them to illegal and potentially harmful substances, just as sexual harassment desensitizes people to degrading, violating and shallow behaviors. If they can get away with that, what else can they get away with? What kind of message is this sending?
This is why schools need to make an effort to raise awareness on more than just sexual assault, but sexual harassment as well. Boys need to be taught at a young age how to treat women appropriately. And young girls need to know that it’s okay to speak up.
As Joe Biden said in his 2010 domestic violence awareness speech on the attitudes of our culture toward sexual violence, “Folks, this is like cutting grass. You don’t ever solve it. You have to keep at it.”
Follow Andrea Harvey on Twitter @andrearharvey