Elizabeth Kramer | The Informer

When Man was first created, God descended from Heaven and asked him, “Hello, would you rather have a male genitalia or understand the female mind?” we made a decision that thousands of years later, we’re still paying for.

While I’m not sure how factually correct that opening sentence is, or if the conversation went exactly that way, but the results are 100 percent true.

The female mind is a deep, dark, complicated Rubik’s-cube-like contraption that God created just to see how the male generation would evolve over the years to see if they could crack the combination that even he couldn’t. Are girls an advanced species whose minds act in a far-superior way to us guys that we’re not educated enough to comprehend? Or is the female race just absolutely ridiculous and even they don’t understand what they think sometimes? I think it’s the latter.

I’m sorry, but girls can’t get mad at us dudes when we don’t understand what they’re talking about or don’t care about what their friend did over the weekend while drunk, we’re just not programmed to care.

It’s nothing personal, but while you’re talking in some female foreign language us guys are just nodding our heads and smiling, hoping that a piano falls from the sky like in Looney Tunes and crushes us.

Guys are very straightforward with their conversations, some may call us “simple” but that’s just how the male race communicates, in a short and sweet way.

What’s the purpose of this conversation? Where is it going and how can I help you? That’s how guys are programmed, not at all in the manner that females are, which is okay. Girls can talk about anything for hours, days or weeks before they realize that the guy hasn’t been listening the entire time, they just love talking.

This is an easily avoidable issue for us guys because we can pretend to care of a few minutes, then say we have something to go “do” and just leave the conversation as a whole. An incredible issue lies once a relationship occurs between a guy and a girl and we, as guys, are stuck listening about whatever it is that girl find important to talk about, which is hell.

We have to care too, or at least make it look like we do because we’re dating you too! Imagine how horrible that is for guys, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the female race and they contribute an immeasurable amount to our society, but the male race isn’t meant to understand you. I can, however, help you girls out so you know when a guy is having a tough time following along with your conversation.

What’s a good way to know if a guy actually is caring about what you (a girl) is saying?

Alright, I’ll give you some tips. 1) He doesn’t care.

There you go, that’s literally it. We as guys don’t want to be rude, so we may ask you questions about your story, be actively engaged in the discussion itself or even help contribute to the story, but deep down, we want to find the nearest busy highway, pray it’s rush hour, and make our leap into traffic.

Man, I probably sound like a cynical person who hates girls, but it’s just that we don’t understand how your mind works as a whole. Why are you asking us what you are? Why do you do things in the way you do? We’ll never know, only you will, or maybe you don’t sometimes, I’m lost.

In a Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication class this semester, our Professor went into a discussion how men and women communicate differently, with separate intentions in mind.

Girls like to be more social, strike conversations to feel accepted and to share emotions with one another. Guys on the other hand talk to be purposeful and achieve a certain objective, we view conversations as a way to solve problems.

So you see ladies, we’re not intentionally rude to you or don’t give a hoot what you have to say about your car smelling like Iced Tea after your new air freshener, it’s just how were born.

Now kindly respect us and please keep the stories of your puppy to yourself.