I love Chinese food, but finding vegan low-cal mu shu pork is so hard in New Haven! Everybody knows what I’m talking about. Finally, however, thanks to the Sean Combs of up-and-never-coming white female tween YouTube stars, our prayers for no-calorie wholesome Chinese (chow) fun have been answered. Her name is Alison Gold, and her parents are who I wish my parents were because no one has paid for my YouTube stardom. Alison makes Orientalism (chow) fun, and it’s been hundreds of years since someone has done that successfully! She touches on all the important parts of Chinese culture, like pandas, fortune cookies, geishas, and the Oriental Avenue spot on the monopoly board. But honestly I find that problematic because Oriental Avenue is so ghetto. She’s like a modern day Marco Polo, totally exploring the East and all the silk it has to offer. I’ve heard China is taking over the economic world, and I completely agree because Alison’s going to have more views than a Chinese phone book.