It’s crazy that Columbus Day is a national holiday, but there’s not much you can do about it.

So, let’s celebrate Cristobal how he would have wanted us to.

1)   Eat lots of chicken. He loved chicken.

2)   Look for Asia as hard as you can.

3)   Don’t get scurvy.

4)   Be Christian.

5)   Call your girlfriend, say it’s not her fault.

6)   Hire a cartographer

7)   Scrub the poop deck. He loved a shiny poop deck.