Dr. Date,

I always thought my girlfriend and I had a pretty good time in, you know, the sack. I’ll be honest — I don’t have much to compare it to, but things seemed to be going well.

But recently, she’s been saying she doesn’t feel like having sex (before, we usually did it three to four times a week). We might fool around a little bit, but that’s it. I asked if anything’s wrong, and she finally admitted (not in so many words) that she doesn’t enjoy sex that much. Basically, she can take it or leave it.

I’m worried that I did something wrong. Is it that she just doesn’t like having sex with me? Is there something I should be doing differently?

—Blue-balled

Go-get-her,

If she can take it or leave it, then it’s very simple: Tip the scales in favor of her taking it.

She still likes you, right? Does she masturbate? Then spontaneity helps. The trick is to make the most out of those brief moments when she’s hot and bothered. If you’ve always been good in, you know, the sack, it’s time to get better at handling business outside the sack. Bedrooms are kind of boring, familiar territory unless you’re a regular at many of the TC’s finest sex emporiums — which actually might not be a bad idea in your situation.

Spice, spice, spice.

Do you ever give her clitoris attention? If the answer is an unfortunate “no,” then remedy that situation immediately.

Another, probably less-likely option is that your girlfriend is asexual, which, despite not quite fitting this situation, is generally more prevalent than many of the people I talk to seem to think.  

If a little detective work in this line turns up nothing, then it’s my sad duty to say, “This lady isn’t diggin’ you

anymore.”

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

This is kind of embarrassing, but here goes. I’m almost 21 and I’ve never kissed anyone. The only “boyfriend” I’ve had was in middle school, and we dated for a total of three hours. Most of my friends have had at least one serious boyfriend/girlfriend, and most have gone way, way further than I have (though I guess it’s hard not to).

My parents met in college, and my older sister has been dating her high school boyfriend for six years. I feel like the older I get, the harder it’s going to be to jump into adult dating. Even if I met someone, how would I explain to them that I don’t have any experience?

—Nervous

Jitters,

Honestly, don’t. At least, don’t tell him right off the bat. Men can get scared away by that kind of early mention. It inevitably comes across awkwardly, too — there aren’t many great conversational openings for people to blurt out, “I’mnewtokissing!” or something like that.

So wait ‘til you’ve known Mr. Big for a while and then broach the subject — preferably in a way that represents it as the natural fact it is, and not as clingy or intimidating. Something like, “Hey, you’re not that bad for a first relationship.” Well, maybe not that exactly, but treat it light-heartedly.

I know you think it’s a big deal, but it’s not a big deal. There’re plenty of similar people with similar stories. Something will evolve naturally with the right dude.

If you put yourself out there, find people with common interests, mine the friend-of-friend pool and keep good posture, you’ll be in decent shape.

—Dr. Date