Dr. Date,

This guy and I have been seeing each other for a while, and we had sex for the first time this weekend. It was definitely not what I was expecting, though. I have had a lot of partners, and this experience was horrible. He is not knowledgeable about positions, the angles got messed up and his body was not sexy at all. I am a fit, petite girl, and I got buried alive by a fat dude.

I don’t want to pursue this any longer because I have had some good sex and this is definitely on the bottom of the list. If we get more serious, I fear he is going to want to become exclusive. But based on our sex, I would cheat because I am not attracted to him at all. I am not a cheater, but after we just had sex, I do not want him to think that I dumped him only because of that. I don’t want to seem full of myself even though I keep my standards quite high. What’s a girl to do?

—Lay Or Dump?

Humpy-Dumpy,

Bad sex — that stuff is the worst. I’m sorry your pleasure play with your new man left you running for the nearest exit, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to be a total brat about it. Sit  your “petite,” elliptical-toned ass down because I’ve got a big loogie of truth on the tip of my lips and aimed at your face.

I know in this day and age we often talk about doin’ the nasty like we would about a water-skiing competition. How many tricks can you do? Was it fast or slow? How quickly did you cross the finish line? The good doctor is as guilty as anyone when it comes to this attitude.

Listen, this may come as a shock to your icy soul, but for some people, sex means something. Maybe for this guy it was an expression of how much he cares about you? Chew on that for a second. You taste that? That’s the bitter, slimy taste of the

realization.

Obviously, you were attracted to this guy enough to get naked with him in the first place, so don’t use that as a cop out.

You know, after all, maybe you should break it off — anyone who is nice enough to sleep with someone so crass, pompous and morally corrupt is far too kind.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

Every so often, my ex will contact me — even though we broke up two years ago. I try to keep things short and brusque with him, but in a way, I hate when he contacts me because then I start thinking about him and how much I wish we would’ve worked out and how I know that, deep down, I still have feelings for him despite some rather serious character flaws. I know it was not the right relationship for me and that a better man will come along. When the heart and mind are in conflict, it only makes sense to follow the mind. So what can I do to make my heart stop feeling little pangs when my ex tries to contact me?

—Forget Me Now

Forget,

Time heals all wounds, but it’s hard to leave the past in the past when the past keeps Facebook messaging you.

I would keep doing what you’re doing. You’re being polite but not inviting the ex-factor to invade your life or rekindle old flames.

The pangs may never stop, but the more you move forward with your own life, the fainter they will become.

Cut ties if things are too painful. If you can manage having a polite but not intrusive relationship, keeping in communication can be healthy.

—Dr. Date