Long story short, I’m looking for a sublet.

Plot twist, I need it to be perfect.

I’ve seen some talent but I’m looking for something pretty specific:

• It needs to have a fish tank.
• It must be within walking distance from a podiatrist. Any podiatrist will do.
• It has to have been featured in at least one photo shoot in one or more of my favorite magazines, which include but are not limited to Sports Illustrated, Seventeen, National Geographic, and Elle.
• It needs to have a Lazy Susan.
• It should double as a sex dungeon that sleeps one comfortably.
• It needs to be the house from the Disney Channel Original Movie “Smart House,” starring the guy who was also in Brink’d.
• It needs to be free.
• It has to have a ghost and/or poltergeist, but it can’t be haunted.
• Location, location, location. It really needs to be near a podiatrist.