Last Tuesday was National Coming Out day, where non-heterosexuals of all shapes and sizes are encouraged to embrace different sexual identities that coincide with attractions to different sexes.

For some, coming out can be a wonderful experience, in which they can finally be themself and feel loved for who they truly are by friends, family and partners.

For most, coming out isn’t so easy. Laying claim to a sexual identity other than heterosexual is difficult because our culture discriminates against and oppresses people who aren’t straight. Parents will either accept you or reject you, or perhaps one will accept you and the other will resent you. They may try to change you, thinking you can change, or take you to a counselor who will try to convince you that your “feelings” are wrong, immoral, etc.

Your “friends” might abandon you. They might think you’re suddenly attracted to them and feel uncomfortable around you. You may feel completely alone in the world and unloved.

Then you’ll make new friends, some good and some who may just want to use you because you’re the new guy, and you’ll have to adjust to an entirely new culture with its own clothing style, music, bars, language and way of thinking and relating to others. Many of these new friends will probably have shared similar experiences of isolation and abandonment, and, as a result, they may very well become the most important people in your life.

At first, you’ll be overwhelmed by all the opportunities for sex and relationships, because you never knew so many other people like you existed. You’ll date several people, and you’ll try to apply whatever knowledge you’ve acquired from your parents about relationships, only to learn that they don’t work so well in gay or lesbian cultures, which have their own dating scripts. If you’re one of those people disowned by family, then you might rely on your relationships for many different emotional needs, and the breakups will hurt much worse and leave you feeling even lonelier as a result.

Then a special someone will come along, perhaps after three, or maybe even 10, years of dating and searching for the right partner. He’ll make you laugh constantly and let you know you can trust him. You’ll spend all your time together and share your past experiences with family and friends and ex-lovers and, over time, grow intimate as you make yourselves vulnerable to one another with these stories.

As a couple, you’ll build a close network of friends, and these people will be like family to both of you, always there, through the hard times and good. Your old friends may come back into your life or you may never speak to them again or only speak to them on occasion.

Over time, your parents will come around, and, before you know it, they are welcoming you and your partner into the family as a couple, treating you the way you always wanted to be treated, the way you deserve to be treated.

It’s not easy to “become” gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, but the journey is an exciting one. After overcoming these common experiences, you’ll grow into a strong and happy person, loved by so many.