It was 1:52 a.m. on a Saturday, and a friend was trying to procure a last-minute booty call.
“We won’t try to sugar-coat it. I might as well eat these cheesy poofs because they are better than any frat party,” lamented my anonymous friend, whose major and standing shall remain undisclosed.
At that point, she had scrolled through the contact list in her phone three times, and there was still no one that seemed like a safe bet.
Things like this happen all the time. In fact, the average person spends most of his or her waking (and sleeping) hours not having sex. It would only be fair that, if when one did want to get randy, the opportunity would quite literally dance naked in front of one’s face. Here are some suggestions, ranging from high- to low-risk, for people that need sex ASAP, but can’t afford to invest too much time in the search.
1. Go up to a random person and just tell it like it is
A famous 1978 study by professors Russell D. Clark and Elaine Hatfield tested the willingness of college students to have casual sex, go on dates or hang out with random attractive strangers of the opposite gender.
In order to find this out, male and female confederates approached students within a quad on campus, and, after briefly explaining that they had seen the person around and found them attractive, asked them one of the following questions at random: “Will you go out with me?”; “Will you come over to my apartment?”; or “Will you go to bed with me?”
The results showed that 75 percent of guys would agree to sleep with a random girl who asked him to, whereas zero percent of girls would agree to do the same. Fifty percent of guys and 56 percent of girls would agree to go on a date with the person. Meanwhile, 69 percent of guys would agree to go over to the apartment of the girl they just met, while only six percent of girls would do so. The study has since been repeated with similar results (Clark & Hatfield, 1978).
I wanted to try to replicate this study, but I decided against it because of ethical reasons, and also because I didn’t look that hot today. Regardless, what we can learn from it is that if you’re a girl and you really don’t have a date or hookup buddy, you have a 75 percent chance of getting it in with a random stranger, so long as you just ask politely. If you’re a guy, you will have much lower rates of success, so read on to the next suggestion.
2. The mass-text booty call
Sophomore year, my friend and I received identical late-night text messages on a few occasions from a guy we knew to be a notorious player. I would chalk it up to coincidence, but I later confronted him about it and got the truth about his mass-texting habit.
After I learned about this strategy, I wondered just how many girls this guy had to text before he got it in. All I know is that he seemed to get lucky quite frequently, so his methodology couldn’t be that far off. Just be sure to text people in different social spheres so you don’t blow your cover before you get to blow your load.
3. The contemplative whack
Are you really craving attention from another human being, or do you just want some sort of sexual activity to pass the time? My friends and I go by this rule: When in doubt about a relationship or sex situation, masturbate before making any sort of crazy decisions. Chances are, after you do, you’ll forget about the dunce you previously planned on contacting. If not, you will have to further assess the situation.
There are obviously a million ways to try to find yourself a hookup, but I believe that these ones are best-fitting for college students due to the lack of commitment and effort required.